


Quiet

by LadyBardock



Series: True Love [28]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bigotry & Prejudice, Financial Issues, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poverty, Soul-Searching, Soulmates, Wealth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-15 18:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8067733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBardock/pseuds/LadyBardock
Summary: Fili was trapped, his life a narrow path with many things forced on him by his only living family member. His uncle did not want to take care of him, but yet he demanded Fili did exactly what he wanted. His whole life set up for him, almost everything limited or forbidden. While trying to find a way out of his luxurious cage, he accidentally meets someone unexpected. A strange sexual propositions rattles his world, and soon everything changes...





	1. Chapter 1

The library was his safe haven. He liked the tall wooden bookshelves. He liked the peace and quiet. Other parts of the university were loud and busy. Too many people, too many things distracting him. All the things happening in his life he had to focus on, he had goal and he had plans. A perfect course of studies was the only option. His uncle set the bar high and only a perfect final result would give him a chance to enter the business. His uncle set the rules, and only the top results would grant him an intern job in Erebor.

He liked the library. His first flat was located in a building where most of the space was rented by students. It was loud most evening, it was extremely loud most nights. His new one had a better environment, and thank Mahal it was quiet at least at night.

He really liked the library. Just his laptop and he could spend hours working on his papers. Undisturbed. His dreams slowly in reach at the tips of his fingers. First he had to complete his paper on Commercial Tax.

He heard some chatter but tried to focus on his work. He continued working, ignoring everyone. The students walked away, but one passed his table really close. Before Fili knew what hit him, a ball of paper landed on his keyboard.

“What the...” He hissed, and wanted to throw the paper away and tell whoever did it to fuck off, only to notice that there was a short message written on it. Unfolding the paper his whole body went rigid.

‘If you want a blow job come to the toilet’

The boy who threw the message was gone, the door of the bathroom closing behind him. Before Fili could have a closer look.

He was so puzzled he had no idea where to begin to solve the puzzle. It could be a stupid joke. It could be a trick, a stupid game. If someone found out who his uncle was... If someone made the connection... What if...

He inhaled deeply. He hated being played. He got up put the laptop in his bag and walked to the toilet more out or anger than curiosity. He wanted to push the paper into the face of the person who suggested such a thing.

Opening the door he saw only one person standing in front of the mirror. Looking down into the wash basin. A person he didn’t really know, but saw him quite a few times around. One of the loud boys, with hundreds of friends. One of the party goers to his previous building. Someone completely not like him. And someone he would expect to do a stupid joke like that.

He grunted with disappointment and some kind of dissatisfaction, but a deep voice stopped him.

“Don’t go please!” The boy mumbled.

“I’m not into jokes.” Fili stopped with his door on the handle.

“Damn it!” The boy hissed and reached for the lock. “No joke... and no strings attached...”

Fili turned around to face him.

“What do you want?” He growled.

“You know what I want...” The boy rasped, his dark eyes shining with thrill.

“What’s in it for you?” He asked.

The smile on the boy’s face was priceless, but before Fili could add anything he was sitting on the floor his dark coal like eyes burning a hole in his head.

Later it all happened really fast. The boy’s hands traced his hip only to rest on the front of his jeans.

“May I?” He asked with nervousness flickering in his eyes.

Fili had no idea what to answer, the idea thrilling, but terrifying at the same time. It was immoral. It was against the decision to keep his preferences hidden. Keeping them from anyone.

He gazed at the boy and felt tempted. No one would know. No one would confront him about it. Or this could be some wicked trick.

The nervous fingers tracing his erection brought his attention back to the boy.

“Please...?” The boy whined gently with huge puppy eyes. Fili stared into his eyes and somehow he felt entranced, he had no idea what the boy interpreted as consent but when those beautiful lips traced him. The sight in front of him was beyond his heavily guarded dreams. He always wanted to... but it was all beyond his reach. The boy... his beautiful curly hair. The feeling so stunning and arousing unlike anything else.

What happened later Fili did not comprehend just like all the other things that happened. As unexpectedly as it began it finished. The boy did not say anything more. He just collected himself and rushed out without a word. As if nothing special happened. As if it was nothing. Nothing at all. Leaving Fili so stunned he wouldn’t be able to tell his name if someone asked him right at that moment.

\------

Going back to normal was his only option, so with effort he tried to forget. But he couldn’t sit in the library anymore, his legs tingling. After trying seven different spots, he found a desk away from others near the medical books. He tried to focus, but he found himself unable to focus on anything. There was a lingering feeling in his gut. That one event stirred him so much, he couldn’t recognise himself anymore.

Somehow all the things he believe in and all the things he strived for, were tainted by the needs he stopped having control of. All his intellectual power began working a way he didn’t want his mind to venture. His brain began finding ways to satisfy and yet keep his deep urges hidden. His brain became infected with ideas he tried to push away. Plots how to join his life, his career with fulfilling his dark urges.

It took his nearly five weeks to calm down. To get some distance and refocus on what was essential. His papers, his lectures. His Chinese, Korean and Vietnamese. The last two still not up to the standard he wanted.

He focused on sleeping at night, trying to not dream about things he should. He had just two and a half years left. And later it was either make it or break it and lose his chance.

He had no idea why he was getting a chance in the first place, but he wasn’t going to blow it. His uncle would pay for his studies and give him a job only if Fili met the right standard he demanded.

He had to breath, but breathing was slowly becoming difficult. He didn’t have anything to fall back to. He had no contact with his Norwegian part of the family, and even if he did his pride would keep him from asking them for pity.

His uncle, a man he met only five times in his life gave him an option. He couldn’t afford to lose this chance. His father’s money in the trust fund was frozen until he was twenty five.

He was lucky as it was. He had to stay focused...

He saw the boy a few times. Always loud, always surrounded by friends. Smiling and cheerful. He was Fili’s opposite. He never seemed to come to the library to study, he came in to chat with the cute red head librarian. Fili saw him study only when Christmas was slowly coming, and most teachers expected papers or tests.

The brunet sat down and seemed depressed. Piles of books around him like a fortress. The red head library assistant kept bringing more and more, stopping only to explain some things to him and rush back to work.

He was writing on paper which was strange. Most even the poorest students used laptops. But this boy was writing in a notepad.

From that moment Fili began really observing him. Drawn to his vivid character, to the joyful catchy laughter. Remembering the one event he shouldn’t remember.

He couldn’t help but notice the worn and used clothes the boy was wearing. Comparing from a few months ago he was a bit slimmer.

No matter how cute, he wasn’t a part of Fili’s life. And he would never be. Their lives were separate, and even if he sometimes glanced at Fili, he wasn’t planning to act upon any illogical urges. His life was his life, and he had to stay focused on what was really important.

His focus failed as he saw him sit on a bench nearby the library. In the snow at the dead of night. Fili was fairly certain no more buses were going, and the library was now closed. He saw them lock up for the night. As usual he was one of the last people to go out.

He got in his car hoping it was safe enough to drive. He slowly rolled by the bus stop.

“Do you need a ride?” He peaked out, not really sure why he was doing what he was doing.

The boy didn’t even look at him. His head down.

With some kind of worry Fili got out and walked up to him.

The huge dark eyes looking at him were shocked. He looked around stunned with the hour and the snow.

“Do you need a ride?” Fili repeated trying to make sense of the situation.

“What?” The boy seemed fazed, but a deep cough shook his slim form.

“Do you need a ride?” Fili asked the last time, unsure what to do next.

“I’m not sure...” The boy mumbled.

“You can’t stay here, it’s too cold! Why aren’t you home?” Fili asked feeling a bit annoyed.

The boy just look up at him with his deer like huge black eyes.

“I’m not leaving you here!” Fili insisted. “Come on!”

He gently pulled him to his feet and into the car.

“My bag...” The boy mumbled. Fili went back and pushed the bag into the trunk.

“So where do you live?” Fili asked, but the boy was dead asleep again.

Fili just inhaled deeply, and feeling as if he was the biggest idiot of the century he drove towards his place.

Carrying the unconscious boy in, he had no idea what he was getting himself into, but if felt strange. So far he hadn’t let no one into his new place. It wasn’t much really, he lived in posh houses most of his life, but it was his private space.

His dark thoughts went out of the window the moment he pulled off his thin coat and settled the slim boy in the spare bedroom. The deep cough made him cringe, and he hoped he had some cold medicine in the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway. The boy looked too thin now, the jumper and t-shirt hanging on his slim frame. His skin pale and unhealthy. Something was really wrong and despite feeling detached from most people due to his family problems, he wasn’t heartless. No matter how much he tried to lock away his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

_He was sitting on the top stairs and gazing down. His mother and uncle were fighting. Her cough would echo in the hallway. They were fighting over him. His mom was dying. Fili knew it. He overheard the bad news early on in the first stage of her cancer. She was talking with Balin, but the words left no doubt. It was serious. As the second phase began with her going to chemo Fili could feel the end approaching._

_His uncle’s arrival surprised him. He knew he had an uncle. Of course he knew. Balin mentioned him. But his mother never talked about him. His uncle was equally unreal as his father. A man he only knew from a few photos._

_His uncle was terrifying. Strong, fierce and stubborn. His deep low voice, threatening presence, terrified Fili so much he couldn’t speak. His mother was furious over something and it pained Fili to see her fight over something as if it was larger than life._

_The day she died was the worst in his life. And ever since that day he was alone. Of course Balin continued living with him. His brother Dwalin spent a few years with them. But Fili had the deep feeling of being alone. It was him and only him._

_He had to deal with school on his own. He had to deal with everything on his own. He respected Balin, in a way he was a mentor. But Balin was old as time and Fili would never dare burden him with petty needs or wishes._

_“Your father was my best friend.” Dwalin once surprised him._

_“I thought you were my uncle’s friend.” Fili pointed out something Balin once hinted._

_“In a way yeah... I guess you could call him my friend.” Dwalin seemed flushed. “But your father was special. He was a genius in business just like your uncle. But at the same time Villi was full of life. Joyful, loud and cheerful. Your mother changed a lot after his death.”_

_“Now that you’re old enough I think you should get this.” Dwalin handed him a thick folder. “You should know who your father was... and since your mom closed down on the topic. I wanted you to know him... at least a tiny bit.”_

_Fili gazing at the folder that changed his life, he would have never predicted the results of reading it. The detailed articles about the financial genius. His theories about business ideas. He saw photos from conferences, he saw private photos from family events or outings with friends. And the anonymous name became a person he admired, and someone he just had to match up to._

_That was until he realised who his uncle was. What kind of money to his name._

_Somehow that money did not appeal to him at all. He knew from Balin he would get his father’s money at the age of twenty five, so in his mind his uncle’s fortune no matter how enormous did not play a role in his life. As he grew he knew most people would do anything to get to his fortune, but for him it just did not matter._

He woke up feeling strange. In the back of his head he knew he had to make sure his guest was okay. It was a strange feeling to know someone was there in the apartment with him. A very strange feeling. Not being alone was a terrifying concept.

\------

Kili awoke with a strange feeling. He was warm. Even a bit too warm, the thick cover and blanket covering him completely. He had no idea where he was, but it was warm and comfortable for once. The last weeks were difficult. He survived worst, but it wasn’t great to be broke.

Most students in his shoes would simply call home, but Kili had no home to call to. Beorn was great, but he wasn’t rich, and there was no way Kili could voice that he needed more money.  His archery scholarship was too low to pay for everything. His scholarships from INCF paid for his college fees, but somewhere in mid semester he woke up broke. First he cut down on food, later he moved to a cheaper place. When his rent ended by the end of November the landlord gave him two weeks. The first Monday after the deadline he found his things packed on the doorstep and the locks changed.

He was too proud to beg for help. Ori was struggling himself barely managing with the fees. He couldn’t just drop on him and beg for a place to stay until he got a new payment from the scholarship fund at the beginning of the next semester.

He considered finding a job, but the first question was always about experience and Kili had none. Worse case someone would check his ID, and no serious business owner would want someone with his police records.

So he found a way to sneak into any party possible, eat if possible and spend the night there if possible. It was way easier that living on the streets when he was a teen. Homeless, starving and stealing.

He could barely remember what happened. He wanted to talk to Ori, but Mike said Ori had gone home early. To prepare for Christmas.

Christmas... such a chore. The most annoying time of year when you’re on the street. Seeing all those people happy, spending money and thinking only of themselves. Ignoring those who had nothing to put on their plates. Even at Beorn’s Kili still resented Christmas.

“How are you feeling?” The deep voice surprised him.

He glanced at the man in the doorway. It just had to be him. His greatest temptation, sin and shame at the same time. The man he approached in a way he later regretted. A taste of heaven, only to feel dirty again.

The tray with a tea and some food surprised him. When he tray was set in front of him, Kili just stared. The two hot toasts with some meat and tomatoes smelled great.

Only then did he realised he didn’t answer the question.

“I’m fine...” He mumbled reached for the toast.

“You don’t look fine...” The gorgeous blond grunted.

Kili looked down in shame. In truth he didn’t feel fine, and the cough that followed was living proof.

“Do you want me to call a doctor?” The blond proposed.

Kili quickly shook his head, even if he could afford a visit, he couldn’t afford any drugs.

“I could drive you to that free student clinic.” The blond mumble.

“I’m fine.” Kili whispered feeling cornered.

The blond seemed angry, but did not say anything. He walked out and returned with a few boxes with standard cold medicine.

Later his beautiful brows crossed as he read the information on each box.

“Two of these.” He put the pills on the plate and soon Kili was staring down a few carefully selected pills.

“I should have some syrup for that cough.” The blond rushed out again leaving Kili stunned.

“What am I doing here?” Kili whispered when the bottle was put on the tray along with a clean spoon.

“You passed out on the bench at the bus stop.” The blond explained. “You couldn’t tell me your address... and I couldn’t just leave you there... in the snow.”

“Snow?” Kili was stunned. Snow was worst news possible.

“A white Christmas.” The blond mumbled and moved the curtains.

Staring out of the window Kili was hit with two thoughts, he was screwed, and he had to leave.

“I should get going...” He mumbled and with difficulty got out of the bed. Cold shivers still going down his back.

“You should take a warm shower for that fever.” The blond pushed a towel into his hands.

“But...” Kili tried to protest.

“Take a shower and I’ll drive you home.” The blond insisted.

Kili finally nodded feeling too weak to struggle.

But half an hour later going was seemingly impossible. For some strange reason the blond did not want to just drop him off at a random place Kili named. With huge insistence the blond said that either he would get a full address or he wasn’t taking Kili anywhere. The more Kili looked out the window the more he was depressed. The snow was falling heavily.

He was truly screwed.

“If you want to go home for Christmas I could help you with that.” The blond proposed.

Kili quickly shook his head. He didn’t celebrate Christmas at all. It was annoying. The merry atmosphere tainted with his dark memories.

“Fine, that means you’re staying here.” The blond decided not taking his opinion into consideration.

“You can’t just lock me in...” Kili tried protesting.

The blond’s blue eyes went narrow making Kili nervous. Those eyes were so powerful and enchanting. And now they seemed cold and menacing.

“I’m not going to just drop you off to live on the street.” The cold voice pinpointing the truth made Kili shiver.

“I’m not...” Kili tried to lie.

“Don’t lie to me.” The deep voice he loved so much scolded him again.

None of his friends noticed, and Kili had lots of friends. No one noticed his distress and troubles. No one cared enough to notice. Now the blond, who didn’t really know him at all, realised the truth. He could feel his own shoulders slumped, and an emotion he didn’t want kicked in. Time shifted to the shopping mall where his mom walked out him at the age of six. The desperate feeling of being all alone crashed down and the tears began pouring.

\------

Talking with him was a challenge the moment he finally began talking. Lying. Trying to convince Fili to just let him go. Despite the severe cold, which worried Fili a lot and seemed more like pneumonia. Despite the worn out clothes, the slim cheeks looking emaciated. His beautiful hair less shiny and springy. Fili wasn’t stupid. And all the defences up were setting him even more on edge. As much as he didn’t really want to get involved, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all knowing the boy was somewhere out there in the snow.

“Don’t lie to me.” Broke something in the brunet. The sea of tears surprised Fili more than anything could. He could have predicted more fighting, more insisting, but a break down was unexpected.

“Calm down... you’re safe...” He embraced him gently and brought him closer.

The boy shivered in his arms, and the crying didn’t stop for a long time.

“I’m going to help you sort out your problems.” Fili told him gently. “So just tell me the truth.” He pleaded.

The crying continued, turning into sobbing at moments, and slowly Fili heard about the financial struggle, the scholarships that paid for the fees and part of the accommodation costs, but turned out not enough. He knew studying was expensive, without his uncle he would have to wait a few more years to be able to go to college. Or do the same as the boy was doing, struggling with making both ends meet. He wondered about all the friends around him, and concluded no one noticed. All those friends were blind or stupid. The boy’s clothes, his slimness and grey skin said it all. But they didn’t care enough to help him.

“What’s in it for you?” The boy suddenly blurred out.

“Nothing really.” Fili shrugged.

He saw fear in those deep dark eyes, as if a thought haunted the boy and caused him to whine in pain.

“No strings attached.” Fili gently repeated. He saw disbelief in those dark eyes. “Just hang around a bit, this place is paid for in advanced. It’s too big for me anyway.”

That moment disbelief turned into terror as the boy glanced around. As if noticing the place was not only top class, it was extremely expensive.

“I can’t stay here...” The boy mumbled as if it was an absurd idea.

“Give me an address then I could drive you home. That is if the snow storm stops.” Fili calmly told him.

The last words caused another way of panic. “Snow?” The boy glanced at the window as if finally really noticing the weather.

There was a wall of snow, the heavy snow fall making the whole world white.

“I’m not really keen on driving in this weather. I’ll go and do the shopping in the shop downstairs, but that’s it.” Fili declared.

“Don’t you have anywhere to be for Christmas?” The boy suddenly asked as if the idea that Christmas was in just two days dawned on him.

“Not really. I’m spending it here.” Fili shrugged trying not to think about the dreadful family holiday.

“What about your family?” The boy suddenly asked.

“Nothing. I don’t have any.” Fili tried to hide all his emotion, but those deep eyes were drilling a hole in his head.

“Can I really stay here a bit?” The boy whispered in a shacking voice.

“Yes, you may.” Fili nodded. “That is if my lousy cooking won’t chase you out into the snow.”

The boy quickly shook his head, as if that was the last of his worries. “I can cook.” He quickly volunteered.

“That’s great...” Fili smiled gently. “I’m pretty hopeless and even watching films on YouTube did not change much in that respect.”

“I can help you with the shopping.” The boy proposed with a light in his eyes.

“Sounds great! Let’s throw your clothes into the laundry and go shopping.” Fili smiled and extended his hand towards the boy.

The boy looked down ashamed with a blush on his cheeks.

“Pick anything from the wardrobe.” Fili pointed.

“Can’t I just wear this?” the boy mumbled looking down on this jeans and t-shirt.

“We can do the laundry later.” Fili decided, he pulled out his wallet and stuffed it into his pocket. “Ready?”

“What about coats?” The boy seemed stunned.

“We’re not going outside.” Fili assured him calmly.


	3. Chapter 3

Kili had no idea what to think. This guy was just bizarre. He took him in, no questions asked. He insisted that Kili stayed, although it was none of his business. The place was pretty amazing, and Kili had never seen anything like it. Every detail of the flat was impeccable and screamed extremely expensive.

He offered him a place to stay and food. Not knowing him, somehow he knew. Out of all the people around him, he knew. And crying in his arms actually made Kili feel a bit better. A bit less lousy and worthless. 

He stared in awe, the hallways were filled with marble, the elevator took them all the way to the shop on the ground floor. You didn’t even have to go out. There were a few small boutiques, and a larger shop.

“Come on!” The blond smiled after reading a notice about the shop being closed for the two days of Christmas.

Kili watched the blond pack quite a lot of things in the cart, but soon he realised the blond had no plan for any of it.

“May I?” Kili gently asked trying not to seem intrusive, but the words that the blond couldn’t cook were ringing in his head.

“Be my guest, I have no clue what I’m doing.” The blond smiled and passed him the cart.

Kili glanced in, many products he never tasted, but well... He quickly began adding things he knew what to do with. He stopped sometime later noticing he put in a bit too much.

“Don’t worry.” The blond said as if he could read his mind.

“It’s a lot...” Kili became agitated.

The blond just shrugged. “You’re going to have to help me carry it to the elevator.” He didn’t seem to mind the high cost of the shopping.

Later it was even more strange, unpacking it all in the kitchen. The blond pushing more meds at him.

Kili felt hesitant, which wasn’t like him. So he had to focus all his energy on something, and lunch seemed a safe option. He didn’t predict the blond would stand right next to him and taste what he was cooking. And those cute dimples flashing from time to time.

Out of all the people in the world... It just had to be him. With those deep sea like eyes. With the golden hair. From the first moment he saw him on campus he had a huge crush on him. Two years just watching him from afar. He spend hours drawing him. He dreamt about him in so many ways. But being who he was, Kili knew he would be rejected. He was tainted and unworthy of someone so handsome and lust worthy. The blond was always perfectly dressed, with much more style than anyone walking around.

After two years of seeing him always alone, Kili felt desperate.  That crazy stunt he did... It shifted his world upside down. It was a mistake, not because it felt wrong, but because it felt just so right... And his dreams went even more crazy. But when nothing changed... His heart fell.

Now standing so close, smelling his aftershave and seeing that warm smile, Kili felt his legs go weak.

“So you like cooking?” The blond asked casually leaning against the beautiful stone counter.

“It’s fun...” Kili whispered and continued cooking. He was still trying to be blind to the posh elegance of the room, everything was brand new and top of the line.

“Smells better than anything I’ve ever cooked...” The blond joked.

Soon Kili put portions of his tuna spaghetti on plates and looked puzzled as to where they were going to eat.

“This way.” The blond grabbed the plates and showed him into the dining room.

Kili just stood there stunned again, the whole wall was glass, and the view was stunning. The snow finally stopped falling, the city covered completely.

“It’s really something, isn’t it?” The blond smiled and put the plates on the glass table. Even the chairs were made of glass.

“You live here alone?” Kili asked puzzled.

“Yeah.” The blond inhaled, and slowly tried the food.

Kili watched him eat anxiously waiting for some reaction.

“You’re really good at cooking.” The blond admitted.

“Thank you...” Kili felt suddenly very shy. The blond was an enigma for him, he felt as if all the things he learnt about him from people did not apply to this person. He heard comments from his friends that he was aloof and stuck up. Many people gossiped about him, wondering who he was, but no one really knew him. Ori only once added that no one else spent so much time in the library, and no one read as many books as him. There was admiration in the shy bookworm’s voice, as if the blond was some sort of guru. Suddenly Kili remembered that Ori in fact knew his name. He was fairly certain it was Philip.

“Thank you, if not for you I’d be eating either frozen pizza or something half edible made by myself.” Philip laughed. The sound a very pleasant sound. And then it hit Kili, the blond wasn’t aloof. He was just socially awkward. He wasn’t mean or stuck up, he was shy and lonely.

“I’m Dare!” He used the name most people called him.

“I’m Philip.” The blond smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“A bit weak...” Kili admitted.

“I’ll get you some more medicine, I think you should lie down.” Fili proposed and soon Kili found himself on a sofa under a warm blanket. “I’ll bring your bag and you’ll tell me what to wash.”

“I can do the washing myself...” Kili tried protesting.

“Next time.” The blond just shrugged and carried in Kili’s bag. It took them a while but Kili finally gave in and begun unpacking. Feeling ashamed with the state of his things. The clothes in poor condition.

“I’ll be right back.” The blond without emotion carried away the clothes.

When Fili walked back his unwilling guest was fast asleep. He tucked him in a bit better and decided to work a bit. Three hours later the boy was still dead asleep, so Fili cringed a bit and walked to the kitchen. He wasn’t good at cooking, but he knew a few basic things.

Kili awoke smelling something good. It smelled of oranges. The view was now dark, alight only by the few lights here and there.

He walked to the bathroom and back to the kitchen. The blond was cooking, despite his words that he didn’t know how.

“You lied.” Kili grunted.

“Nope... I’m not good. I had to learn a bit otherwise I’d die of hunger or eat take away and frozen stuff every single day.” Philip hissed. “I’m trying really hard, mind you...” He continued his task.

“So what’s for dinner?” Kili asked hesitantly.

“Duck breast in oranges. With rice.” Philip just shrugged.

But the moment they sat down to eat, Kili had to change his mind. “You can’t cook after all... not enough salt.” He grunted.

“Told you so!” The blond wasn’t embarrassed at all, his dimples flashing as Kili reached for the salt.

“I’ll cook tomorrow.” Kili declared. “Until I stay here I’m cooking.”

“Thank you, I’d really like that!” The blond smiled.

“Would you like anything special for Christmas?” Kili asked in a shaking voice.

“Not really. I hate Christmas.” Fili shrugged.

“That’s why you’re staying here?” Kili asked worried.

“I have nowhere else to go.” Fili told the truth. “What about you?”

“Pretty much the same.” Kili lowered his head feeling tears hit him.

After dinner they went to the living room, Kili back under the blanket after taking more meds. Fili turned on a random science fiction film and tried to rest. He wasn’t surprised the boy fell asleep again. He seemed very weak, and Fili would prefer a doctor to have a look at him.

He wondered how Dare would influence him and his life. It was strange to have him there, his presence unexpected but it made Fili feel warm. Something in him wanted to take care of him and protect him, as he was watching him sleep Fili made a resolution to help him get his life back on track anyway possible. Doing something for someone else stirred his heart. Especially since it was him...

\------

Kili awoke back in bed and it was bright. Feeling a bit better he got up, only to notice all his clothes neatly folded on a chair near the bed. The idea that the blond not only did the washing, but took the time to arrange it for him, to fold it and bring in, made Kili feel strange.

With a huge tremor in his chest he put on his favourite t-shirt and his best looking jeans.  He walked to the kitchen with only one idea in his head. Making the best breakfast in the world.

When the blond showed up with sleepy eyes, dressed in casual homey clothes, Kili with triumph said that breakfast was ready.

“An omlette?” The blond flashed his secret weapon again, the dimples making Kili’s legs feel weak again.  “I love omelettes.” He admitted and sat down in the dining room.

“So do you like it?” Kili asked worried as they begun eating.

“Absolutely delicious.” Fili smiled. “Can you teach me?”

“I could try.” Kili was shy and self-conscious. “That is if you really want me to stay a bit...”

“I already told you, you can stay. No strings attached.” Fili assured him.

“That’s hard to believe...” Kili mumbled.

Fili inhaled deeply.

“Why do you care?” Kili asked when the blond was silent.

“I just do. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” Fili gently told him. “Most of my life I had a feeling I have no influence on anything going on in my life... but I can help you and that is something I can do.”

“So it empowers you?” Kili asked him slowly.

“It’s just... I can help you, so why shouldn’t I?” Fili asked him slowly.

Kili stared into his eyes, stunned with the simplicity of the idea. Help because he could.

“I want to help you.” Fili repeated.

“Thank you.” Kili finally replied not knowing what to say.

“Can you be honest with me?” Fili begged.

“About what?” Kili asked hesitantly.

“Is that all your clothes? Where is your laptop?” Fili asked him.

“Some stuff are at various friends’ places.” Kili looked down ashamed.

“Laptop? I’m fairly certainly I saw you with one a few months ago.” Fili tried to be very gentle.

“Pawned...” Kili mumbled.

Fili inhaled deeply. “Right after Christmas we’re picking up your things and your laptop.”

“I won’t be able to repay you anytime soon...” Kili mumbled.

“I’m not asking you to.” Fili told him slowly. “Just help me out with cooking and cleaning.”

“I’m not sure...” Kili whispered.

Fili inhaled deeply. “I think you need to get the right picture... I’m not paying for any of this... and the person who is paying doesn’t give a damn what I’m doing, and who is staying here and what the costs are.”

“Who is paying?” Kili asked slowly.

“Someone who is my family... but he didn’t want to take care for me. So he pays for all this to keep me out of his life.” Fili decided to tell the truth.

“He won’t mind?” Kili asked slowly.

“I haven’t talked to him the last four years.” Fili assured him. “As long as I pass my exams he doesn’t give a shit about anything.”

“That’s sad...” Kili mumbled.

“What about your family?” Fili asked.

“No family... I’m an orphan.” Kili whispered. There was no way he could tell about it all to anyone.

“I asked you not to lie...” Fili pin pointed immediately.

“How did you know?” Kili was stunned.

“I just know. That’s why people don’t like me. I just know things like that.” Fili was honest.

“My mom left me... at a shopping centre at Christmas. She just left me in a toy shop and walked away.” Kili whispered.

“Thank you for telling me the truth.” Fili told him.

“What about your mom?” Kili asked as Philip began cleaning up.

“She’s dead. Cancer, when I was nine.” Fili told him honestly.

“I’m sorry.” Kili mumbled.

“I’m sorry too... what your mom did... was low.” Fili whispered.

Kili nodded absentmindedly, suddenly feeling very weak.

“Go and take a nap, I’ll clean up a bit.” Fili told him warmly.

“Thank you...” Kili whispered again before going to the sofa and resting.

\------

Fili enjoyed his day, after breakfast he spend some time working on his new idea. Later Dare prepared lunch. After lunch he looked less pale and evidently felt much better, so they spent some time watching films and just chatting. He was really surprised to learn that Dare was in fact doing IT. They talked about the modern software and hardware market, something that interested Fili greatly.

Now that they were finally talking Fili was struck with a feeling of belonging. They got along like wildfire. And as Dare brought in dinner, they snuggled on the sofa together. Him with his head on Fili’s arm, and Fili making sure the blanket was tight around him.

“Thank you for letting me stay...” Kili whispered before falling asleep again.

“Just stay...” Fili whispered into his hair, before carrying him back to his bedroom.

Later he sat down and thought about what it really meant to have him there, and deep inside his heart he knew it was right. He knew it felt good. To know he was there, to know he was safe. What it really meant, only the future would tell.


	4. Chapter 4

Kili felt overwhelmed. The attention he was getting would be a bit too much for many people, but all his life he felt unimportant and ignored. So now what Philip was doing made him feel safe. He had his clothes back, and both his laptop and his mobile phone. Once he turned the phone on he saw like fifty messages from his friends, some expressing worry. But in reality none of them did anything about his absence. Ori wished him a Merry Christmas and wrote that he wanted to meet up. Tauriel invited him for New Year’s and many people asked where he was. But no one really did anything to help him.

While Philip was slowly doing too much. He was living at his place, he was eating his food. Philip paid out his laptop and mobile phone. And he assured him he didn’t want anything in return. If it was anyone else Kili would question it, but what he did was way beyond anyone else ever.

Kili strived to be useful, he cooked, cleaned, did the washing. He was worried every step of the way.

Philip was his first real crush, and now the crush was going wild. That stunt he pulled back then in the bathroom, just made his appetite greater, and somehow now just being casual flat mates would never work. He wanted more and more, and the warmth and acceptance Philip was sending his way was way more than Kili could handle.

“One of my friends is doing a New Year’s Eve party, would you like to go?” Kili tried not to sound nervous.

“A party?” The blond cringed.

“We could stay home if you prefer.” Kili immediately told him, waiting for his reaction.

“Are you planning to run away?” Philip asked him slowly, but Kili swiftly shook his head.

“It’s just a party.” Kili shrugged.

“So you want me to go with you?” Philip asked.

Kili just nodded.

“Won’t your friends...” Philip spoke hesitantly. “Won’t they think it’s strange we live now together? Won’t they assume?”

Kili blushed and looked down. Philip had a rare talent for seeing the world exactly as it was, and telling the truth immediately. He loved that about him.

“You won’t mind that?” Philip asked as if shaken. Kili had no idea how to read his expression.

“They can think whatever they like.” Kili tried to shrug, but he could tell Philip wasn’t fooled by it.

“You want them to think so?” Philip again stated the truth.

Kili just blushed even more.

“I thought... I thought what happened was no strings attached.” Fili pin pointed facts.

“It wasn’t...” Kili was spooked.

“I don’t expect anything like that from you... for staying here.” Philip told him honestly. “I like you and respect you... what happened back then was...”

Kili glanced at him worried with what would follow.

“Special.” Philip ended.

“Special?” Kili repeated with worry.

“I don’t normally do things like that...” Philip ended.

“Me neither...” Kili looked down ashamed.

“I won’t hold it against you unless you hold it against me.” Philip proposed.

“I would never...” Kili squeaked with terror.

“I know. But you should also know I do not hold it against you either.” Philip assured him warmly.

“Thank you!” Kili was still in shock.

“I’m not perfect myself.” Philip assured him.

“You might as well be...” Kili blushed.

“Let’s talk about the party tomorrow, I need to sleep on it.” He smiled at Kili lightly.

“Goodnight!” Kili smiled as they parted for the night. “Thank you for everything!”

\------

Fili always had a light sleep, something Dwalin encouraged while teaching him self defence. Dwalin always insisted it was important that he knew how to defend himself.

The cry he heard made him wince. He slowly sat up, and as the cry sounded again, he realised what it was. A cry of utter terror. He rushed to Dare’s room, and what he saw shook him to the core.

Even when he wasn’t crying out, he was sobbing and mumbling, as Fili came closer he realised the words.

“I don’t want to anymore... please tell him I don’t want to... it hurts... I want to go home!” Dare mumbled in his sleep.

All the facts were still elusive, but Fili felt Dare needed him more than he would show it. He gently sat on the bed next to him, and began petting his hair.

“You’re safe and you’re home...” He gently embraced him.

The crying continued, but then Dare embraced him back, as if clinging to dear life.

“I’m here... and no one is going to hurt you.” Fili repeated. “It was all just a bad dream...” Only to realised the depth of the dream suggested it was based on reality. With that realisation he decided to wake him up at all cost.

“Dare wake up!” He shook him firmly.

“I don’t want to... please say you’ll save me...” The boy continued begging in his sleep.

“You’re safe!” Fili repeated embracing him more firmly.

It took him a while but finally he saw Dare’s eyes open and gaze around unconsciously.

“You’re safe!” Fili repeated resting his head in his long dark curly hair. Dare embraced him firmly but his body was still shaken with sobs.

“I’m going to protect you.” Fili made an oath.

“Stay with me please...” Dare begged.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Fili assured him calmly.

“Stay please...” Dare begged even more desperate.

Fili snuggled into the bed and into the warm arms.

“I’m here for you... when you want to talk about it... I’m here.” He assured him.

“I’m never going to be able to repay you...” Dare whispered.

“You don’t have to... just stay...” Fili whispered into his hair.

\------

Kili awoke with warm arms around him. The feeling so soft and comfortable. Most people assumed he was easy, but in fact his past kept him from any contacts. He had little knowledge about relationships. He knew how to avoid those dangerous people, how to fit in. He knew how to pretend, and so far only Philip could read him. Philip was so damn special. Now that Kili finally got a chance to know him, he quickly realised just how special he was. Philip could see and notice things no one else did. He understood. And he cared for Kili unlike anyone before. Even now he stayed to comfort him, to give him safety and warmth.

Looking at his sleeping face, Kili was stunned just how beautiful he was. His face youthful and strong. He was everything Kili dreamt of, and just being next to him like this was soothing.

“So do you want to go to that party?” The voice nearly made him jump out of bed.

“How did you know I was awake?” Kili asked.

“Your breathing changed.” He smiled and snuggled even closer.

“You’re too smart...” Kili complained, but the blond just laughed.

“You have no idea...” Philip joked. “So what about the party?”

“Yeah, I’d like to go. If you come with me.” Kili decided.

“As your friend?” Philip asked.

“As my date.” Kili whispered. Somehow the idea that someone else might try approaching Philip...

“So you want your friends to think that I’m your boyfriend?” Philip asked as always pin pointing everything.

“It would be the easiest way to explain why we’re living together...” Kili mumbled.

“The truth sounds good too. That you needed a place to stay, and I had a room empty.” Philip made him realise.

“I...” Kili tried to voice his mind. “I want to go with you as my date.”

“So I’m not just a comfortable free room to stay in?” Philip had a keen smile on his face.

“You’re far more than that...” Kili whispered.

“Good.” The blond laughed. “I was getting worried.”

“About?” Kili was stunned.

“That money is more...” Philip began but he didn’t have to finish.

“It will never be more.” Kili tried to be convincing, he knew Philip could read him like an open book.

“Good, because I have nothing to my name yet... All this is just... pity. A way to make me shut up and out of his life.” Philip showed a tiny bit of his emotions.

“That’s why you’re working so hard...” It dawned on Kili.

“It’s my only chance.” Philip told him solemnly.

“I hate my studies... I have to finish them otherwise I’d have to give back my scholarship... but my dreams and reality are two different stories.” Kili confessed.

“Tell me about that.” Philip snuggled in even closer.

“I know computers... I always have... it was always so easy and so thrilling... Here it’s just dull. Maths, Maths, Maths... It’s like I’m studying Maths not IT. They teach us boring stuff, some are even outdated and it always has to be the way the teachers want it... For me IT is inspiring, it’s challenging... it’s like creating the world anew...” Kili tried to explain.

“So because it’s outdated and boring you hate it and you don’t learn.” Philip summed up.

“Basically yes...” Kili agreed. “Do you like your studies?”

“It was the only logical choice. Business means I might succeed one day. I considered doing linguistics... but that’s a dead end.” Philip told him slowly. “So when you finish, what’s next?”

“No idea really... maybe IT isn’t my thing... at least my professors try to convince me about that... I’ll probably try to find a job... but it won’t be easy...” Kili inhaled deeply.

“Because IT hates you?” Fili asked slowly.

“That’s the funny part... I’m good at IT... it’s just I don’t feel the need to learn what they want...” Kili confessed.

“So why are you worried?” Philip felt puzzled.

“Most people would never employ me...” Kili blushed and hid his face in the pillow.

“Why not?” Philip drilled the topic.

Kili just began shaking and crying again, as always Philip drove him into the corner.

“You must think I’m horrible... I keep making you cry...” Philip was devastated with the reaction.

“I’m the one who is horrible...” Kili felt himself become desperate. “I’m so worthless...”

“No, you’re not.” Philip stroked his hair calmly. “You’re like a bright light. You’re special in so many ways. You’re full of laughter and happiness. You’re far from worthless.”

“You don’t know the truth about me...” Kili continued crying.

“Whatever you did in the past which makes you feel so bad... it’s not who you are now.” Philip assured him. “You must have been desperate...”

“It was so horrible...” Kili cried in his arms.

“Whatever you did... It’s not important anymore.” The blond tried to convince him.

“But it is! If anyone checks my records... They will know...” Kili was terrified.

“You killed someone?” Philip’s words shocked him.

“No... but...” Kili tried to compose himself.

“Stop worrying... I’ll help you...” Philip gently petted his hair. “You’re safe...”

“I will never be able to repay you.” Kili mumbled.

“You don’t have to.” Philip assured him.

“So will you go with me?” Kili asked worried.

“Since you want to go... I can’t let you go alone...” Philip mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW the inspiration for this story was watching Jeffrey Dahmer's biography...


	5. Chapter 5

Fili was apprehensive about going to the party, but ever since he agreed Dare was so eager it melted his heart. When next to him everything seemed just so easy and fun. Dare was all fun, and his vivid energy changed Fili’s life in many aspects. He never realised how not fun his life was until he came in and made himself at home.

Fili saw the other side to him. The solemn, apprehensive side. The dark past, full of mistakes and pain. Full of abuse. But yet Dare was a bright light. On a normal day any standard person would never tell the pain hidden in his eyes. Dare showed him a side of himself no one else knew. He trusted him, even though Fili did not do anything to earn his trust yet. Did not deserve any trust yet. He promised himself never to let him down.

Finding himself in the posh house of the hosts, Fili felt out of place, but the warm arm around his neck and the smiles Dare kept sending his way made him feel just right. Next to Dare everything was alright. The crowd did not bother him as usual. The music either. Next to him everything seemed just fine.

“This is Ori and his brother Nori!” Dare pulled him towards the shy red head from the library.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Fili smiled and shook the small boy’s hand.

“The pleasure is all mine!” Ori flashed a shy smile. “So Dare is staying with you?”

“Yeah.” Fili nodded not really sure what to say, but Dare left no doubt he was with him. The arm around him left no doubt and clarified everything to anyone.

“I’m so happy for you...” The red head embraced Dare and smiled.

“Just make him happy...” Nori, the older red head nudged him.

“He’s making me happy... I’m keeping him safe.” Fili joked with ease and the smile he saw on Dare’s face was the best reward.

“Finally!” Nori smirked. “He needed some taming.”

“I’m not a wild animal.” Dare complained.

“Your name is Dare...” Nori winked at him.

“And the first part of your name is Kill!” Ori smiled.

Fili hid the surprise, and with ease bounced the ball back. “I’ll keep you all safe from him as well.” His arm reached for Dare and brought him even closer.

“A beer?” Nori pushed two glasses at them, and soon Fili found himself meeting more and more people.

“Introduce me!” A beautiful red haired girl cornered them.

“Philip, this is Tauriel from my archery team. Tauriel this is Philip.” Dare was hesitant.

“You caught the catch of the year?” Tauriel smiled at Dare and kissed his cheek.

“Catch of the year?” Philip asked in a deadly voice.

“You’re the most handsome guy on campus!” Tauriel tried to flirt with him. “Don’t be so protective Cupcake!”

But Dare’s eyes were stone cold, his arm in Fili’s was trembling with emotion.

“That’s my job.” Fili stated calmly, keeping the brunet close.

“Great.” She replied meekly. “Are you coming to our next competition?”

“Of course.” Fili was still calm.

“Good! Keep our fingers crossed, we might win this year!” She smiled radiantly. “Dare is really great!”

“I know he is. He’s the best.” Fili stated a fact. He was certain Dare was great, and the disbelief and huge happiness in his black eyes were the best reward.

“Come and meet my brother! He came over from England for the party!” Tauriel smiled and dragged them towards more people.

The more people around the more Dare was clingy, not that Fili minded. Having Dare close was life changing and thrilling. He wanted him near.

Soon they met Legolas, his mates Eomer and Theodred. It was fun, all of them were cheerful and merry people.

“So did you like it?” Dare asked with worry as they were coming back.

“It was fun.” Fili admitted.

“I’m glad you came with me.” Dare smiled happily.

“No problem.” Fili felt relief, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Dare’s friends were fun, but no matter how fun it was something new to him. He did it only for him.

Coming back Fili walked to his bedroom, he was tired and it felt strange. The whole evening and night were full of sexual tension. Holding him all night, having him near, was a temptation Fili did not want to face. He got a glimpse into Dare’s past, he saw the scars as his t-shirt ventured a bit up once. The night terrors. The crying and emotional instability. There was only one piece of the puzzle that did not fit. That one event from the past.

Dare was special. And with everyday living together, Fili cared for him more and more. Dare’s honesty, his fragility and warm character, were charming. There was something really attractive about him. He loved the lovely shaped face, chiselled with perfection. His high cheekbones, slender jaw and pronounced eyebrows. He loved the long curly dark hair, and the deep dark eyes. Everything about him screamed something exotic, his skin a bit darker, indicating some mixed heritage. The more Fili got to know him, the more he just had to protect him.

“Can I come in?” Dare’s voice from the doorway startled him.

“Of course.” Fili tried to remain calm, but the slim person dressed in only casual shorts and a loose night t-shirt, stirred him profoundly. “You can’t sleep?” He asked gently as Dare sat on the edge of the bed nearby.

“I was wondering...” Dare spoke in a hesitant voice.

“About?” Fili asked trying to be gentle, he could see Dare’s head hung low and he seemed hesitant.

“You’ve been doing really a lot for me... And...” Dare seemed flushed.

“Don’t mention it.” Fili brushed it off easily, worried about the anxiety he saw on his face.

“I want to... make it up to you.” The barely audible whisper made the hairs on Fili’s arms stand up.

“In what way?” Fili felt puzzled. “You don’t have to do anything. You’re already helping with the chores and that’s sufficient.”

Dare looked down the blush going down his face, there was a lot of worry there. When he finally raised his head, Fili saw another emotion there. One he almost forgot. Lust. Just like the first day when Dare approached him.

“I don’t have much to offer...” Dare was shacking.

“You really don’t have to...” Fili tried to assure him.

“I thought...” Dare mumbled. “I thought you wanted me... I thought...”

“It’s not about wanting you or not. It’s about respect.” Fili told him firmly.

“I don’t deserve respect... I’m filthy...” Dare’s face was in tears.

“You deserve all the respect in the world.” Fili gently wiped his tears off and embraced him.

“Why are you so good to me?” Dare cried even more.

“That’s easy... I care for you.” Fili whispered tenderly.

“Well you shouldn’t... I’m a worthless piece of shit... It doesn’t matter if you fuck me... so many other people have...” Dare was crying.

“You’re not worthless!” Fili let his irritation slip a bit. “You’re precious, kind and charming. So stop saying it!”

Dare’s eyes were wide and full of awe.

“As much as you might not mind one more person in your life... but I’d like my first lover to actually want to be with me.” Fili revealed one key fact about himself.

Dare’s eyes went even more wide if that was even possible. “So that time... was...” He mumbled.

“Yeah... it was my first real experience, and before you begin laughing that I’m a virgin... It took me a really long time to come to terms with my preferences... and my life situation never gave me the chance to actually experiment... and as you’ve noticed my relations with people... aren’t great.” Fili tried to explain.

Dare just stared at him with terror stricken wide eyes. “I’m sorry...”

“Nothing to be sorry about... I just want you to know the whole picture.” Fili replied calmly.

“Can I stay?” Dare whispered.

“You can always stay.” Fili extended his hand. As Dare snuggled into his arms, Fili inhaled the unique smell of his hair.

The way Dare was shacking in his arms, seeking safety and comfort was stirring his heart. And Fili had that in store for him.


	6. Chapter 6

“So what’s the deal between you two?” Tauriel asked Kili as they were sitting in a local cafe.

“What do you mean?” Kili asked in a trembling voice.

“So is he your boyfriend or your sponsor?” Tauriel was grim.

Kili was stunned with her idea. “My boyfriend...” He mumbled. “Why are you asking?”

“You just surprised me. I’ve known you a few years now... and something about him seems cold and aloof.” Tauriel confessed sipping on her coffee.

“He’s just shy...” Kili looked down.

“I’m simply concerned...” Tauriel tried to ease him.

“He’s really special...” Kili mumbled.

“If you need anything call me.” She insisted.

“I’m fine...” Kili replied slowly. The past weeks were the calmest in his life. Living with Philip was the best arrangement ever, the blond so caring and so warm, Kili could barely believe the changes. No more worries about food or housing. No more nightmares, all the past chased away by strong arms giving him safety. Philip made all the past seem just a bad dream. Kili was happy. He would be more happy if their relationship was a bit more physical, but they talked it over a few times. Kili’s trauma, and Philip’s shyness had to meet mid way. And in a way that was the real deal breaker, Kili felt so safe and comfortable he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Are you sure you’re safe with him?” She asked, out of all his friends she actually knew a bit of his trauma.

“Yes.” Kili tried to reply calmly.

She was still full of disbelief. “What do you actually know about him?”

Kili was puzzled with the question. He knew a lot about him, the way he smiled waking up while holding him. The smell of his skin, the way he held him any time possible. His arm interlaced with his, or around his waist. He knew Philip was totally selfless, he didn’t care about money despite having a lot in his reach. He invited Kili into his space, and gave him the security he needed. Not taking or demanding anything in return. The idea that he would elicit sex was in the back of Kili’s mind since day one, but there was never a demand like that. Philip was just pure warmth and acceptance. Support even when the facts from his past began floating about in their life.

“I love him.” Kili’s whisper brought terror onto her face.

“Kee... That’s very final. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t want to see you happy. I just dread the idea of seeing you hurt.” Tauriel told him slowly.

“He’s not going to hurt me.” Kili tried to sound certain, but deep down there was still a tingling of doubt. Everyone so far in his life always hurt him.

\------

“Would you like to come to the competition?” Kili asked in a trembling voice.

“I already promised to come.” Philip flashed a shy smile.

“But it’s not here...” Kili was hesitant. “This time it’s in Richmond.”

For a moment the blond was silent. “That’s actually cool, I’ve never been there. We could spend a few days there.”

“You will go with me?” Kili felt a wave of thrill fill him.

“Of course! Someone needs to drive you there!” Philip laughed.

“You’re the best!” Kili hid his face in his chest.

“You are the best Darling.” The blond nuzzled his hair gently.

Kili rested his head and drifted away into a safe slumber.

\------

Fili kept thinking about everything Dare told him, but there was no way around it. The rules were simple if you accepted the funds you had to complete your studies. Dare had to endure one more year. Things were going a way he would never predict, and the very idea of Dare moving out caused protest in his heart. He wanted him to stay. Dare was everything he needed, he was the light in his life. With him there every day, Fili’s life first time in years did not seem grim. It was so great to wake up with him, to eat breakfast. To drive him to trainings, to meet up at the library after classes. It was great to finally belong, and belonging in Dare’s life was exhilarating and liberating. Somehow his dreams shifted, and no matter what Fili wanted him. No matter what his uncle would say. The intern job was tempting, but he would only go to New York if Dare would join him.

The last e-mail he got from Balin left no doubt, the summer he was suppose to be in New York, getting his first job in his uncle’s company. A test. Another demanding test in his life.

Going to Richmond with Dare turned out to be an adventure. They drove in stages, staying on the way in a beautiful bed and breakfast in Barlow. The journey was something they both strived for, but Dare seemed apprehensive any time Fili paid for anything.

“Don’t worry...” Fili gently told him. “Once we stand on our own feet, it’s going to be different.” He tried to ease him down.

“You really think so?” Dare asked hesitantly.

“I’m sure...” Fili smiled.

“You’d better win this.” Fili joked. “Or...”

“Or?” Dare mumbled resting his long legs in the car.

“Or you’ll have to train more... and I have some plans.” Fili smiled.

“Plans?” Dare asked suddenly curious.

“First win and then time for your reward.” Fili gently reached to pet his hair.

“Focus on the road.” Dare scolded him.

Fili chuckled gently and lifted both hands from the steering wheel.

“What are you doing?!” Dare seemed spooked.

“This is a fully automated car.” Fili laughed.

“You mean it can drive on its own?” Dare asked stunned.

“Pretty much yeah.” Fili explained.

“How does it work? Is it computer steered?” Dare shot questions with his vivid curiosity.

“It’s got some kind of special computer and it’s connected to a satellite.” Fili explained to the best of his ability, but the way Dare’s eyes were shining indicated he was thrilled with the very idea.

“You need to tell me more about what got you into IT.” Fili told him gently.

Dare nodded absentmindedly.

The next days were fun. After two days at the competition, finding out Tauriel booked rooms in the same hotel, and The Harvard Team winning, Fili found himself in a storm. Dare had always been lively, but the win drove him into seventh heaven. He was smiling all the time, so cheerful and eager, that Fili found himself falling for him even more now. The confident Dare, his outgoing social attitude, the wild sparks in his eyes. The now constant flirting, touching and holding.

“So what kind of plans?” Dare asked with a smirk as they finally got to bed after the celebration.

“All kinds...” Fili rasped feeling a bit nervous.

“Can you be more specific? I want to know what I won.” Dare asked.

“What would you like to win?” Fili flirted with ease. Having Dare with him, being so close in every sense of the word.

“You...” The raspy whisper left Dare’s lips.

“Take whatever you want...” Fili rasped back.

“May I please?” Dare seemed hesitant.

“Of course you may...” Fili whispered tenderly brushing the shaking hands on his chest.

When Dare’s trembling lips gently pressed into his, Fili felt over the moon. It was tender, soft but short. Dare glanced at him nervously, as if seeking approval. Fili gently put his hand on the back of his head and pulled him back closer. Their lips met again, in a long soft motion.

“Congratulations.” Fili told him gently.

“Thank you!” The smile on Dare’s face was so happy, Fili felt his heart burst.

“May I?” Dare whispered gently.

“You may do anything you like.” Fili encouraged him again, only to feel trembling hands roam his body with hesitance but determination at the same time.

He knew Kili’s past was bad, he knew he was treated with brutality, molested and forced. In Kili’s mind sex, wasn’t what it should be. It was a currency, a thing to bargain with. They talked about their first meeting many times, and now Fili understood what that was. It was a cry for his attention. A cry the only way Kili knew how to show affection. So now the shy kisses and gentle touch were trying a new language for Kili, and he seemed trying to get the hang of it.

“I really want to have you...” Dare rasped tracing down his neck with his lips.

Soon Fili was undressed, and Dare’s keen hands were touching everything in reach.

“Do you want me?” Dare rasped against his skin.

“Yes...” Fili could barely speak, but he saw the question in Dare’s eyes. The need for reassurance. He closed his eyes for a moment, and he decided. Dare was the only person he wanted, and if he needed more, Fili would give him more.

So he flipped him on the bed, and fear was replaced with that magical light he often saw in his eyes. Taking his clothes off slowly Fili traced his naked skin with his fingers. He waited for this moment a long time, and now he felt it was liberating. It was so easy to lean in and plant soft kisses on his lips. It felt so wonderful to feel those long legs wrap around him.

“Don’t you dare doubt... I really want you...” Fili kept assuring him, showing him with his whole body what he wanted. How much he wanted him.

But when the moment came and his fingers ventured down, he saw the first signal of fear in Dare’s eyes.

“Don’t stop!” Dare begged. “I can’t wait any longer... I need to feel you...”

“And where do you want me darling?”Fili asked.

“In me... please...I want to be filled with you...” Dare’s eyes were full of unvoiced lust and need.

“I’m not sure how to...” Fili complained not wanting to hurt him.

“Let me!” Dare grabbed the lube and in swift moves stretched himself. He did it many times before, doing it himself always assured that it hurt less. Especially back then... The memory nearly drove him to panic again, but he needed Philip. He needed him so much... he would never let the past stand in between them.

“Please... I need you!” Dare rasped begging for more.

“Are you sure?” Fili gently traced his long legs, but he saw a fever in his eyes and a desperate nod.

Looking carefully at Dare’s face, awaiting any sign of discomfort, he pulled his legs up. He traced his cock tenderly, fascinated with the evident sign that Dare wanted him. But the real treat was pushing in. The warmth engulfing him, pulling him in. The feeling way beyond anything he had imagined. His whole world was Dare, his smell, his skin, the taste of his lips.

“More please...” Dare’s breath was rapid and heavy. “I want more...”

“All you can take... all you want...” Fili assured him and pulled him closer.

“Fuck me harder please!” Dare taunted, and Fili lot all his control. Nothing else matter but the body taking him in. Nothing mattered but the warm dark eyes looking at him. The feeling so exhilarating and new, Fili wanted to die right that moment.

It was pure bliss, and as their bodies were soiled and satisfied, Fili held him tenderly.

“Before you think something stupid... I’m your boyfriend... not your sponsor.” Fili used the same notions Tauriel used several weeks before. “This cannot be a currency or a thing to bargain with.”

“I love you...” The soft rasp from Dare, those were the most beautiful words ever.

“I love you too...” He replied inhaling his scent deep into his lungs.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days Kili was in heaven, they roamed around the country side, staying in random places. Kissing and making love as much as they could. Holding hands and feeling connected more than ever. The magical barrier was broken, and now they truly belonged to one another and Kili felt truly happy.

“Are you happy Boyfriend?” Philip asked him as they were going home.

“Are you happy Boyfriend?” Kili asked with a huge grin.

“I’m very happy...” The blond smiled radiantly.

“That’s all I need to hear.” Kili laughed.

“I hope you don’t mind... but I might be going to New York for the summer and I hope you’ll come with me.” Philip proposed with a smile.

“New York?” Kili was stunned. “Why New York?”

“I have to take a job at my uncle’s company.... another test... But I’ll get my first money.” Philip confessed. “And then we can start making plans...”

“Plans?” Kili liked the way Philip used that word.

“What we want to do in our future.” Philip took his hand tenderly. Kili could only kiss that smile off his face.

\------

When they came home Kili tried to focus on his studies, but it was so boring... But he just had to complete it. So he tried harder than ever. After many long discussions Philip told him that he should simply do what feels right. His strong support always there. Kili finally let go of his inhibitions. He did what his mind dictated, trying to make his ideas work. And they did. Slowly his brainchild was reaching a physical form, a code unique and his.

“So what can you do with it?” Philip asked him tenderly.

“Anything I want...” Kili admitted. “What would you want me to make?”

“I was thinking something useful, simple and something people would buy, even if for like a dollar...” Philip suggested. “If we sell that in millions...”

“You’re talking like a businessman.” Kili complained.

“I am going to be just that. You do the coding, and I’m going to sell it.” Philip smiled.

“A joint venture?” Kili mumbled.

“As soon as I make some money, we’ll register our company... and start marketing.” Philip proposed.

“What if it won’t work?” Kili was immediately worried.

“I’ll just work at my uncle’s all my life to pay the bills...” Philip joked lightly.

“What about me?” Kili squeaked as Philip lifted him.

“You’re doing what you want to do. I’ll handle the rest.” Philip tried to assure him.

“I don’t want to be worthless...” Kili whispered feeling self conscious.

“You’re far from worthless...” Philip pulled him closer and eased him with tender kisses. “I’m going to protect you. Forever.”

\-------

“So what do you think?” Kili asked showing Philip the first version. His first idea was a small application for arranging your business schedule and setting your phone to respond to phone calls with a pre set message.

“It’s a great idea!” Philip praised him immediately. “Next time try maybe something for kids? A game?”

“Roger Boss!” Kili joked.

“I’m not the boss... I’m the guy handling the boring paperwork.” Philip joked back, and kissed him.

“Do you really think this crazy idea might work?” Kili was hesitant.

“We’ll think of something else if it won’t.” Philip assured him. “I’ve got quite a few ideas how to make some money, so we’ll do just fine.”

“I don’t want you to waste your money on me...” Kili admitted.

Philip just laughed. “I won’t mind spending all my money on just making you happy!”

“Sometimes you’re too much...” Kili simply kissed him again.

“I just want you happy.” The blond told him tenderly.

“I’m already very happy.” Kili was shy again.

“Me too.” Philip kissed him. “I’m very very happy!”

“There is only one thing I might actually need to keep going with my ideas...” Kili admitted shyly.

“Name it.” Philip demanded.

“I need to use a better laptop... mine is... not strong enough.” Kili was shy again.

“We can switch.” Philip saw absolutely no problem in that, but the idea to simply get a second one was dawning on him. It would take an e-mail to Balin. For a moment he wondered how his old teacher would react to Dare living with him, but he did not care.

\-----

Kili hated Wednesdays. Philip’s schedule was horrible on Wednesdays and he came home only late in the evening. That left Kili bored and alone. Most days he would just watch TV, or try learning the bullshit they wanted him to learn. But that day he found Philip’s laptop on the kitchen table with a note with the password.

“Let’s see what you’re made of...” He mumbled and turned it on. The laptop tempted him for a time. It had no company markings making it even more interesting. He loved mysteries.

“What the...” He mumbled seeing something he wasn’t expecting. It looked like a normal Windows system. But only superficially.

“Just like a skin added to something different entirely....” He realised.

It took him two hours to find the trigger for the skin, and when it was lifted he blinked. It wasn’t something he expected. He never saw a system like it.

“What are you...” Kili said to himself and began searching for the source files.

Three hours later he sat there glaring at the code files. The system was way more than he thought possible. The code was beyond anything on the market. No one used a system like that... apart from Erebor Incorporated. The name showed up pretty fast in the files. It as a top secret code. In fact the laptop was manufactured by Erebor.

He heard the door open, and only then did it hit him that it was already evening.

“Hey where are you?” Philip called from the doorway.

“Living room!” Kili called.

“What’s for dinner?” He asked embracing him.

“Shit I forgot!” Kili went red.

“What’s wrong?” Philip asked gazing at the laptop.

“This laptop... what’s your connection with Erebor?” Kili asked slowly.

“My mother’s friend works there.” Philip chose the safe answer.

“This laptop... isn’t really normal.” Kili confessed.

“Why does it look different?” Philip was surprised.

“It had a special skin disguising it to look as a standard Windows system.” Kili explained.

“So this is what was under the skin?” Philip gazed around. The desktop was full of moving icons, some were flashing. “What that flashing?”

“Those are the working programs.” Kili told him.

“What kind of programs?” Philip asked slowly.

“All kinds.” Kili inhaled. “This is something posing to be Word. Most of these pose to be something well known. You’ve got a customized version of Paint, but without the skin it looks more like Photoshop... It’s like a different story.”

“So you’re saying I got a special laptop?” Philip didn’t seem surprised.

“You knew something was wrong with it?” Kili was stunned.

“It’s been a bit bizarre... but since I got it for free...” Philip just shrugged.

“Do you know that it actually registered everything you’ve been doing, your location and everything really?” Kili asked slowly.

“I’m not surprised.” Philip just inhaled deeply. “Most mobiles phones do the same.”

“True.” Kili nodded.

“I’m going to order some pizza!” Philip kissed his cheek. “Do whatever you like!”

“Can I work out who was observing you?” Kili asked.

“I bet I know who, but why not! Tear it to pieces!” Philip just laughed.

“Don’t you have any important files here?” Kili just had to make sure.

“I copied all my papers, so nope.” Philip found the number to the pizza house.

“Here goes nothing!” Kili mumbled and began going deeper into the system.

\-----

Fili knew the laptop as bugged, but when he offered Dare to use it, he never considered that Dare might find the truth about it. By the time the pizza arrived, Dare was so focused on the laptop he had to feed him. He wasn’t at all surprised Erebor was controlling his every move, after all it was their laptop. His uncle sent it to him, but Fili never considered it truly his.

If Dare wanted to mess with it, and work it out, Fili couldn’t be more proud.

He snuggled against him and rested his head in his hair.

“This laptop... it’s beyond anything I’ve ever heard of... It’s build differently. It’s tiny and light, but extremely powerful.” Dare tried to explain.

“What about the system?” Fili asked kissing his neck.

“It’s based on Unix. Upgraded to imitate Windows. It’s a pretty flexible system.” Dare told him.

“Will you be able to work on it?” Fili asked.

“It’s perfect.” Dare smiled eagerly.

“Great!” Fili turned it off and set it aside. “Come to me Baby!” He lifted him with ease and carried him to the bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Kili felt thrilled with all the attention he was getting, but getting his hands on the laptop was a real treat. He dared dream things he never thought possible before. Seeing that system made him realise there was much more to discover and much more to actually invent than the standard computer systems. The Erebor system was perfect in many aspects, it was flexible and durable, but Kili couldn’t consciously make something designed for a system like that.

The only solution was making his own system, as the moment he saw the Erebor code, he had a feeling it wasn’t the only option. After making the game he thought out before, he saw down and began using the maths they were forcing him to. And after hours of calculations, he finally saw the dawn. Something only his. The first thing of value he could give to Philip.

“So tell me what is this exactly...” Philip asked when Kili showed him the new code.

“It’s a system.” Kili mumbled shyly.

“What kind of system?” The blond asked.

“For anything, it could be used for laptops, phones and any type of computer. “ Kili tried to explain.

“So it’s got a universal application, good that means a huge market.” Philip held him. “It might create a new problem, entering the market... well it’s pretty crowded.”

“I wasn’t thinking of entering any market.” Kili confessed. “It’s a tool for creating what I want to create, a background for painting.”

“And what are you planning to paint?” Fili teased his neck with his lips.

“Something the world hasn’t seen before.” Kili whispered.

“I can’t wait...” Philip held him tenderly.

“Do you mind if I hack your car?” Kili asked gently.

“My car?” Philip asked.

“It should be the same system as on the laptop...” Kili pleaded.

“I told you, do whatever you want.” Philip assured him with kisses.

\-------

The weekend they spent in the garage with the car. Kili was sitting in the passenger seat, and cables were going from the laptop to the engine.

“So it’s the same system?” Philip asked with a huge smile lying in the back reading one of his books.

“Pretty much yeah, but the functions are different.” Kili complained.

“So were they following me as well?” Philip chuckled.

“Yup... This car can really drive by itself...It’s also got a few functions I can’t work out...” Kili mumbled. “What fuel does it go on?”

“That’s why I like it, no fuel needed.” The blond admitted.

Kili just laughed. “I should have known, so that’s why this whole thing is so complicated.”

“What?” Philip asked curiously.

“It’s not that it doesn’t run on fuel but the fuel is very efficient.” Kili smiled. “It’s a hybrid electric system, the main fuel is hydrogen.”

“Cool!” Philip kissed his neck and settled back on the seat.

Kili gazed at him slowly, a feeling that the blond wasn’t at all surprised was dawning on him.

“Won’t Erebor kill me in my sleep for working out all their secret technologies?” Kili asked him slowly.

He saw seriousness in Philip’s eyes. “They would have to go by me first. And I would kill anyone who lays a finger on you.” His deep serious voice made Kili realise the blond really believed it.

“I love you...” He whispered back.

“I love you too...” Philip assured him with a kiss.

\------

“So where would you like to go for the spring break?” Fili asked him. “I still got a limitless credit card.” He joked.

“Hiking?” Dare whispered snuggling into his arms.

Fili just laughed deeply. They could do anything in the world and Dare chose the cheapest option.

“Anything for you Baby!” He kissed him already planning a huge shopping list. “Let’s hit the Appalachian trial!”

“Sounds great!” Dare just held on tightly and felt safe.

\-------

It was the best idea ever. Fili did a lot of hiking with Dwalin, and now doing it with Dare was even better. He wasn’t surprised those long strong legs carried him far. In fact Dare proved to be a bit more fit than Fili, despite his extensive training in the gym.

“I never knew archery gave you such skills...” Fili joked as they were walking in the woods with backpacks.

“It’s not that... I spend many years in forests like this.” Dare confessed first time really addressing his past. “My foster father works as a Wildlife Ranger.”

“That certainly explains a lot.” Fili smiled thinking of the silent perfect way Dare was walking about.

“Nope... that’s my Native blood speaking.” Dare winked when Fili commented on his skills.

“So can you shoot anything else than a bow?” Fili continued chatting up as they were going deeper into the empty woodlands.

“I can shoot with anything really. I did arms training as well. But the bow... well that’s my Native blood too.” Dare joked.

“Did you actually go hunting?” Fili was dead curious.

“Only when necessary, I was taught not to kill, but to protect.” Dare admitted shyly.

“That’s good, so if we meet bear tracks you will see them.” Fili gently kissed him and continued marching on

“I never thought a posh boy like you would know the woods.” Dare realised.

“I was taught to respect nature. My guardian’s brother... well he was my father’s friend and he decided my dad would want me to have these skills. That my Norwegian family have some huge hunting and survival traditions. So I spent many summers in forests.” Fili knew he could trust Dare absolutely.

“Do you remember your dad?” Dare asked him gently.

“I know about him, what he looked like... what he did and things... but no I have no memory of him.” Fili told him gently.

“I have no idea who my father was. It was just me and my mom...” Dare inhaled. “Beorn, my foster dad, he said my files were empty.” Dare confessed.

“For me it’s just a name on paper. My mum was the only family I had.” Fili confessed. “I’m very happy to have you in my life now.”

Dare gazed at him with shining emotional eyes. “Really?”

“You’re the closest person to me... and in a way you’re my family now.” Fili embraced him tenderly.

Dare had tears in his eyes. “I really love you so fucking much...”

“I love you more....” Fili laughed holding him tight.

\-------

New York was so much more than Kili expected. Philip showed him to a beautiful flat, even more posh than the one they already lived in. Kili didn’t care how expensive it was, the only thing that mattered was Philip. He loved him more than the air, than the sun and his own life. Philip was the best person in the world. Period. He didn’t care about all the money in the world, he cared about him. They could live in a small hut in the woods without electricity, and they would be happy nonetheless. And now knowing that Philip in fact loved the outdoors and seemed in his element, were soothing Kili’s anxiety.

Now he had a goal unlike any other. Philip would come back for lunch, and later for dinner, so Kili focused on the shopping and making something delicious.

Later he pulled out both laptops, and tones of cables. After an hour playing with cables, he managed to set up his work place.

“So did you get it working?” Philip’s voice was warm.

“All set!” Kili pointed to the image on the TV. “The first version is up, I still need to work out a few quest lines and tasks, but the mainframe is there.”

“I’d love to see...” Philip sat on the sofa.

“Let me get lunch first! How long is your break?” Kili asked nervously.

“Half an hour.” Philip grunted.

Soon Kili brought in two plates and while they were eating he told Philip about the game. He showed the artwork he prepared and the mechanics.

“So how is it?” Kili asked slowly seeing Philip’s mood.

“Dead boring.” Philip grunted.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Kili admitted.

“I’m basically watching someone else work and typing in documents...” Philip complained.

“You know you don’t have to do things like that all your life...” Kili tried to support him. “You’re really smart, you’re educated and talented. They would be idiots to keep you doing such mundane tasks.”

“I can’t wait to be independent.” Philip told him slowly.

“If this works...” Kili pointed to the screen. “Then I’m going to need your help...”

Philip gently embraced him. “You’re a treasure.” He assured him warmly.

“You’re the treasure.” Kili laughed holding him. “Let’s do all we can so that you won’t get stuck in a stupid office.”

“I’ll drink to that... Let’s go out tonight.” Philip proposed.

“Sounds like a plan.” Kili gave him one last kiss in the doorway. “I’m going to be waiting for you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Fili was tired. The job was dreadful. Documents, tones of documents. Staring into a screen all day. Any idiot could type in information into stupid forms. It was frustrating. But at least he wasn’t the only intern doing it. He did what they asked him to. And nothing more. He observed and made conclusions. He dug into documents getting an idea about how the company really worked.

But it was a chore. When he heard from Balin about the job, he never envisioned this. But he would never dare ask Balin about it.

Only coming back home felt good. Feeling Dare’s arms around him, eating delicious meals he prepared, snuggling into his arms. Dare gave him strength to go on. He would do anything for Dare, and if doing this stupid task would give them a bit of start up money, Fili would jump at the chance.

They had a bit more time to sort things out. The year right after his studies might be difficult. Yet one more year separating him from his father’s money. With the right marketing and funds, and Dare’s crazy talent and ideas... they would make it.

Knowing him better now, he was certain they would make it. They both didn’t need the posh luxury. They didn’t need the fancy car. They didn’t need fancy restaurants. Thinking of what they needed, a place to live, a broadband and time. Time to make his ideas a reality. Time to just be together.

He would endure.

“I’m glad to see you so mature and focused.” Balin’s voice surprised him.

Fili just raised his head to gaze at him. “Everything changes with time.”

“I’ll leave you to your work.” Balin smiled and walked to his office.

Fili glanced at the other interns working diligently. He didn’t feel the need to connect to any of them. He had a goal and he would reach it. And being tied to Erebor wasn’t in his plans. It was a great thing to write in your CV and nothing more. He knew most people would jump at it, dreaming of taking it over one day, inheriting it. But Fili wanted nothing of it.

\------

Kili noticed him face. Philip was really focused on the stupid tasks he got. It was killing him to see him so depressed. The mindless job was killing him. He was born for greater things. And it pained Kili to see him so lifeless.

“It’s just a few more weeks...” Kili tried to reassure him.

“Sometime I wonder what would happen if I would just say I don’t want to work here.” Philip complained. “It’s not like I’m actually planning to work here later... and if we’re starting your game company I won’t need to search other employment.”

“Do you really think my projects are that good?” Kili was still hesitant.

“I know they are. You’re a fucking genius!” Philip held him stronger. “You’re just so special and smart...” Soft kisses eased Kili as well. Just one touch of Philip’s lips and he was melting.

\-------

When summer finally ended, and Fili got the standard intern salary, he felt relieved. Next summer he wasn’t coming back to Erebor. His uncle could shove the whole company up his ass and keep it there for all he cared. The money wasn’t much but it was enough to start making plans. Soon both of Dare’s scholarships were paid in, and after the fees, Dare added his bit of money to the pile.

“I know it’s not much...” Dare was embarrassed.

“I’m surprised you even attempted living on it last year...” Fili was stunned with the meagre sum. It wasn’t little, but for living costs it was way too short. But when added to his summer salary....

“It will be enough to set up.” He declared making his lover’s eyes shine again. “I already have the business plan in my head, and we still have a place to live and food. We’re going to be just fine...”

Dare spent the summer working really hard, their main game was ready, now he had made a few smaller phone games and was creating special animations for YouTube to promote the company. Fili’s marketing ideas were off the bat, they were going to use any free promotion possible, and YouTube was the first step.

“I’m so happy I met you...” Dare admitted.

“No, I’m the lucky one...” Fili laughed. “Without you... my life would be horrible. Boring and nauseous. Doing what my guardians want, working in that stupid company typing in documents.”

“I’m not sure if we’ll make it.” Dare mumbled.

“I’m sure.” Fili reminded him. “Everything is going to work out just fine.”

\------

Kili was stunned with the speed of things but he trusted Philip in the business aspect of their joint venture. Soon the first of three companies was created. Why Philip wanted three he could not comprehend, but it was something about profit and taxes, so he decided to do as he says. So now he was the proud owner of Oakenshield Productions, while New Age Games was another company only in his name and Solum Software was the main name of their joint venture.

He had to spend some time making three separate websites, but Philip insisted on it. Soon with Philip’s approval a first funny film was posted on YouTube.

“We’re going to make them curious.” Philip told him with a smile. “And then when we announce the date of launching the games for mobile phones, we might actually immediately have some customers.”

“But one dollar...” Kili was wrangling.

“One dollar times a million. And believe me at least a million will love your game.” Philip reminded him.  “If they love the phone game...”

“They will buy the main online game later on.” Kili nodded. He heard their marketing strategy many times before. Philip planned out every detail. Even how to get more and more people interested on facebook and other social websites.  Kili actually had to write a special program to do the posting of messages, and together they wrote like a hundred different posts to make the program seem credible. Not to mention create like twenty facebook accounts, countless others on Instagram, Tumblr and any place they could think of. It wasn’t easy, they both spent hours every day organising their campaign, but Philip was convinced it would work.

When the set date finally arrived Kili was nauseous all day, he was so worried with people’s reaction and if it would work.

“We won’t know anything for a few days... so let’s go out...” Philip insisted and dragged him to the cinema to watch another horror film.

“Is everything okay?” Philip asked him time after time, the film had ended but Kili was like in a daze.

“I’ve got a new idea.” Kili mumbled and urged him to rush home.

He saw the tender smile on Philip’s lips as he ran into the living room just to turn on the laptop.

“Pour your heart out.” Philip kissed him tenderly before ordering some Chinese takeaway.

\-------

Dare was crazy, that was the only way to call it. Their medieval multi race game was complete. They had the POV phone game. They had the main online RPG game ready. They had like twenty different promotion films, and Dare spent so much time on perfecting the graphics each was a work of art.

And now zombies. That crazy film they watched was rubbish, but somehow Dare got a crazy idea and a whole new series was being born. Fili did not say anything to him skipping a few classes. With pride he watched the new art work come to life and he wasn’t surprised when two weeks later the phone game was ready. Actually it wasn’t a game, it was an application to make your image to look like a zombie.

“So what’s this going to be like?” He pointed to the screen, Dare was drawing some crazy town.

“It’s going to be like a survival game.” Dare mumbled and continued tapping like crazy.

“Weren’t there many games like this?” Fili asked slowly.

“Not like this...” There was a fever in Dare’s eyes.

“It looks scary.” Fili easily admitted, but Dare didn’t hear him anymore. His eyes were on the screen and the complicated code.

At least he stopped stressing out about sales.

\------

Kili saw his vision as bright as day. Soon he had another grid lined out, he created a few characters who try to survive a zombie apocalypse. You could use anything as a weapon, you could find shelter, there were many options, and the more options the more Kili had to program it. Soon he had enough and he created a new program, which could write for him. It was a program writing codes for the games.

“We should get a patent for your system and for the coding program.” Philip made him realise.

“You think so?” Kili asked hesitantly.

“You’re going to have to help me with the paperwork, but all patents must go to OP.” Philip insisted.

“Not the joint venture?” Kili was stunned.

“No. These are your creations and only you should have profit from them.” Philip insisted.

“I have no idea about that kind of paperwork... is it really necessary?” Kili wasn’t happy.

“It is. I’m going to be with you all the way.” Philip  assured him.


	10. Chapter 10

Fili watched their numbers with wide eyes. He knew Dare’s project was good, he was confident it would be a hit. But the scale of interest their game was bringing shocked even him. And it was only the phone game, their main product still hidden from the public eye.

He smiled and slowly began searching for the right place. He could already envision what he wanted for them. A small town, with lots of forests around and broadband. And soon he found the perfect location. Near the only person Dare considered important in his life.

He could only smile when a crazy idea entranced him. He had the best birthday present ever.

\-----

Kili gazed around curiously, they were driving in a direction he knew well. The forest so familiar. A place where he spent nearly six years in.

“Where are we going?” He asked feeling worried.

“Do you trust me?” Philip asked gently gazing at the road.

“You know I do... I’m just curious.” Kili whined.

“Just a few more minutes.” Philip assured him.

Soon the road led out of the forest and into the small towns in the area. Kili loved the sight of cows on the fields, crops growing... everything overshadowed by the almighty forests. He felt his heart pound with anticipation, but when they turned into an unknown road he had no idea where they were.

The car stopped in front of a beautiful house. Kili felt his mouth go dry, his hands go sweaty and his legs wobbly. The place was breathtaking. There was a huge pond on the right. The house was white and red with a classical red roof. There were some farm buildings and a windmill. It was the forest that really made him tremble. This place was... perfect.

“So what do you think?” Philip asked him nervously.

“What?” Kili had no idea what to answer. Soon a set of keys was pushed into his trembling hand.

“Go and take a look and tell me what you think.” Philip urged him to go inside.

Kili walked around the house with fear and hesitation. After a very long time he walked out just to see Philip leaning against the car even more nervous.

“The kitchen is horrible.” Kili mumbled still unsure why they were there.

“I know.” Philip looked down sad. “But what about the view?”

Kili unconsciously traced the horizon. The pond, the forest and field. The house, all the buildings and the empty road.

“It’s nice.” He mumbled. “But I still don’t know why we are here...”

“Would you like to live here?” Philip asked with terror in his eyes.

“What?” Kili was puzzled.

“Would you like to live here with me? We can’t stay in that flat forever...” Philip seemed scared.

“But... this is too much... there is no way we can afford it...” Kili mumbled still shocked beyond measure.

“Marry me...” Philip finally whispered, his eyes were full of fear.

“What?” Kili looked at him even more surprised.

“Marry me... so when we buy this place it’s ours.” Philip was even more hesitant now.

“I’m scared...” Kili confessed and soon he was in warm comforting arms.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. We don’t have to get married. We don’t have to buy this place... just tell me what you want... and I will do everything to make it come true...” Philip spoke in raspy teary voice. Kili never saw him cry before. Ever.

“This is too good to be true. It’s too expensive... It’s too unbelievable...” Kili mumbled unconsciously.

“I will make it work... just stay with me... be with me... you’re the only person I have...” Philip begged emotionally.

“I’m worthless... why would you... why would anyone want to be with me...” Kili cried in his arms.

“I will always love you... and I want to spend my whole life with you... so please... stay with me forever...” Philip pleaded.

“That would be my greatest dream....” Kili mumbled into his chest.

“We don’t have to get married if you don’t want to... We could get this place or any other you would like... Just stay with me...” Philip asked him tenderly.

“This place...” Kili gazed around again. “it is too expensive.” He ended.

“We can afford it.” Philip assured him quickly. “Because it’s a bit further away from town they are having trouble selling it... the price is great.”

“Really?” Kili was still hesitant.

“Seriously.” Philip tried convincing him.

“Isn’t marriage a bit too... far going?” Kili asked. “You might change your mind later... about me about this place...” Tears came back to his eyes.

“I’m never changing my mind about you. You’re the best thing in my life. The only right thing in my life. But we don’t have to make it formal... I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable...” Philip quickly added, making Kili’s heart pound.

“You really want to?” Kili was stunned, and his heart went from terror to utter happiness.

“I’d like to... but no pressure... I’m not going anywhere or letting you go...” Philip gently kissed him.

“I’d like to stay here...” Kili snuggled into his arms looked at the forest and pond.

“Let me show you around...” Philip pulled him towards the house.

Soon Kili saw the beautiful outdoor fireplace, a perfect place to have parties. There was a huge triple garage, two living rooms, a glass patio. There were a few bedrooms, a play room.

“I hate the kitchen.” Kili mumbled. The cupboards were a horrible dark green.

“We should have enough cash to do it.” Philip assured him.

“It’s too small.” Kili complained.

“We could tear this wall down.” Philip pointed to the tiny dining room.

“And make a big kitchen?” Kili smiled at the idea.

“And make a dining room in the living room.” Philip showed him into the large room.

“Why are there two living rooms here?” Kili complained again.

“I was thinking of making one our work room. With the computers, a big table for drawing. A wall for pinning up ideas... A few TVs... and a cosy fireplace to keep it warm.” Philip told him his dream.

“Won’t that cost a lot?” Kili worried.

“I have it all planned out.” Philip assured him.

“I’m worried this is too much...” Kili mumbled.

“Trust me...” Philip pleaded.

Kili inhaled deeply. “I trust you... with my life.” He added.

“I love you...” Philip kissed him tenderly. “I was wondering...”

“About?” Kili asked.

“My mom used to call me Fili, could you use that name from now on?” Philip asked.

Something in Kili made him look up. “My mom used to call me Kili.”

“What a coincidence.” Fili mumbled.

“What a coincidence.” Kili replied.

“We’re meant to be.” Fili kissed him with all his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inspiration for the house   
> http://www.homes.com/property/621-kelsey-rd-mansfield-pa-16933/id-400031706336/


	11. Chapter 11

Fili was thrilled, the moment Kili made up his mind, things went fast. First they took part in a small private ceremony, only a few close friends invited. They had no one, and the only family was Beorn Kili’s foster father, who was utterly stunned with the invitation after three years of silence.

Fili made a difficult choice, but he finally gave up on both his father’s name and his uncle’s name. Now he was just Philip Oakenshield, and it was a name he could forge to be anything he wanted. Kili was stunned with his decision, but Fili needed to cut off. His father was dead, his family never made contact with him. His uncle hated him and rejected him. Kili’s name was far better than his own.

As a marriage they finalized the purchase documents and slowly they were getting ready to move. Kili was dead worried about money, but their company was doing okay.

After talking with a few constructions crews they made sure the renovation began so they could move in at the beginning of summer.

“This looks way better....” Fili smiled seeing the half torn down kitchen.

They planned it all out. Fortunately the previous owner took most of the old furniture, so they were happy they could pick things the way they wanted. Their renovation crew already repainted most of the place. Now came the difficult parts, the bathrooms needed refreshing and the kitchen was a mess.

Kili just smiled and began engaging into the renovation as much as he did with everything else, with hyperactivity.  Soon everything was arranged, and they just had to wait a bit for the crew to finish.

“I still can’t believe this is ours...” Kili whispered as they began taking in their things.

“All ours...” Fili smiled. “I’m going to give up my car soon, so we are going to have to buy something... would you like a car?”

“A car?” Kili was stunned. “Can we really afford doing the computer room and two cars?”

“We can.” Fili kissed him.

“I hope you’re not taking loans for all this...” Kili mumbled.

“Nope... in fact all this is yours...” Fili laughed and carried him into the bedroom.

\-----

Kili felt happy. They were free. Just the two of them in paradise. Their neighbours friendly, the town welcoming and their company flourishing. They felt at home quickly and it felt so right.

Getting up now had a reason. Only Fili mattered in his life. And he was going to do everything to make Fili feel his love for him.

“Any more crazy ideas?” Fili embraced him tenderly looking at the new artwork.

“I think it’s time you made something real.” Kili pushed his drawing utensils at him. “I want to make something out of your art work this time.”

“Anything for you My Darling husband.” Fili kissed him and obediently began drawing.


	12. Chapter 12

Dwalin was sitting in front of the only person he ever loved. But it was painful road of love. Rejection. A difficult friendship later on. Thorin rejected reality, the same as he rejected love and him. The same as he rejected Fili. It pained him to see him so alone and so lonely. There was a time, a long time ago, when Thorin was kind to him. When he would smile and enjoy life. That was before Erebor fell onto his shoulders. The duty too much to handle, too stressful. The spotlight too demanding to keep Dwalin in his life, Thorin never came out officially and rejected his sexuality.

“You’ve made a huge mistake.” He repeated.

“It depends from perspective. I never had the time to raise a child.” Thorin grunted, their meetings were rare and never easy. Especially when Dwalin found out about Fili and began taking care of him. Fili the closest thing Dwalin would ever have to a son.

“You will never be able to connected to him.” Dwalin repeated.

“I don’t need that.” Thorin was stubborn as always. He was blindly stubborn.

“You do. You’re all alone... you’re growing paranoid!” Dwalin insisted.

“I don’t need anyone!” Thorin insisted. “Least of all a snivelling brat...”

“He’s twenty four!” Dwalin reminded him.

“Even worse... all those young people now... they think of only money...” Thorin growled.

“You never gave him a chance!” Dwalin insisted. He wasn’t fighting this battle for himself, he was fighting for Fili. Fili deserved a family. And Thorin was his closest of kin. Not counting the family in Norway Thorin secluded him from. Deliberately and on purpose, stating the boy would grow stronger without ties.

“Why should I?” Thorin hissed.

“He’s...” Dwalin tried to find the right words, and then it hit him. Fili was nothing like his cheerful mother and talkative genius father. Fili was a true Durin, proud and strong. Fili was exactly like Thorin and Thror before him.

“You might have lost him forever.” Dwalin tried to name his feelings. He knew Fili was strong and independent, and he would never ask for anything.

“Rubbish... if he wants money he will come to work this summer just like he did last year. He needs me.” Thorin had a cruel smile on his lips.

“Flipping stupid documents just like all the other mindless interns.” Dwalin hissed.

“Everyone starts without any privileges!” Thorin hit his desk.

“He’s the top student at Harvard, what else do you need?” Dwalin hissed.

“Why do you care so much about him?” Thorin growled.

“As much as you don’t care about him, I do.” Dwalin did not need to hide his feelings. “He’s like a son to me, and I really care about him. As much as you’re trying to separate me from him, I really do care about him.” He knew all the sudden jobs in various places of the world were Thorin’s way of ruling both their lives. As much as Balin loved the boy too, he never connected to him on a more personal level, leaving Fili alone the last years.

“Just like you cared about me?” Thorin was immediately angry.

“You did not want anyone to care about you.” Dwalin made him realised. “But everyone needs someone! Someone to care for, someone to trust!”

“He needs to learn how to be strong!” Thorin shouted.

“What for?” Dwalin hissed. “To take over this sick empire of yours? To become just like you? Alone and miserable?”

“That’s the only way to manage with all this crap!” Thorin was firm.

“Did you even ask him if he wants to take this over? Did you ever spend a second thinking about what he actually wants?” Dwalin yelled at him.

“Everyone wants only one thing in life... money!” Thorin hissed.

“Good luck with that!” Dwalin felt bitter and left the office, leaving Thorin alone.

Thorin stared at the door with anger. Deep down he knew Dwalin was right, but the fearful blond boy he met when his sister was dying was the last thing he needed in his life. He didn’t need more responsibility, and Balin was eager to take him. Dwalin’s insistence to take care of the boy was a surprise, one more bitter fact tearing them apart. Thorin made a decision not to be sentimental, neither for his ex lover, nor this child looking just like Villi Solberg. He hated Villi Solberg, and somehow any time he saw the boy, he saw his father again. His first love and broken heart. Villi chose his sister, and from best friends they became silent enemies.

For him the boy was just a name, a sum of money he had to spend yearly, just because his sister forced him to swear he would pay for his upbringing and education. Out of his obsessions he followed the boy’s moves, he analysed his expenses, wondering why he did some things. He knew facts about him, and he did not feel the need to actually get to know him. His reports from school and later college were good, so in a way the promise he made was fulfilled. His sister might stop haunting him one day. The boy would get a job in Erebor and that’s it. He would be just another pawn in Thorin’s life. Kept at arm’s length. In his mind he fulfilled his duties.

“Dwalin is right.” Balin’s voice from the doorway startled him.

“He’s not.” Thorin insisted.

“The boy is just like you. Cold, calculating and stubborn. But if you think you can manipulate him, like you do with everyone else, you’re gravely mistaken.” Balin spoke harshly to Thorin for the first time in years. He began his career in Erebor in Thror’s times, he was the CEO during Thrain’s times, and now he was still a key person. Thorin trusted him beyond anyone else, but his mentor never spoke to him like that before.

“What do you mean?” Thorin hissed not able to draw a conclusion.

“Be prepare for surprises.” Balin smiled like a fox and walked out.

“Surprises? I fucking hate surprises.” Thorin mumbled as the door closed.

\------

As summer began and still there was no word from Fili, Balin was getting worried. But then he got an envelope.

“Dear Master Balin,

I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate everything you did for me. Thank you for all those years of care and guidance. I regret to inform you that I would like to resign from working at Erebor Inc. I hope you won’t have any hard feelings towards me, but I have to find my own path in life. Thank you for everything,

Fili.”

At first he was just stunned, he was holding the keys to the car he gave him, and to the flat he got him. But then a smile adorned his old wrinkled face.

“Good going boy!” He smiled happily.

Of course Thorin was furious.

“How dare that brat! I gave him everything!” Thorin hated surprises.

“He’s a person not a slave.” Balin reminded him. “Look at the bright side to this development, he will not be living off your money any more.” That one fact made Balin even more proud. He was confident the smart boy found a good way to manage on his own.

“He needs to learn the company!” Thorin was furious.

“Does he really?” Balin was surprised. “After your last year’s orders I thought he was just a burden, and you did not want him here.”

“I don’t want him here! But I made a promise.” Thorin grunted.

“And you fulfilled it. You gave him an education.” Balin replied calmly.

“He needs to learn how to manage his money! He’ll inherit Solberg’s money next year...” Thorin found a new reason.

“He won’t learn how to manage money here either, filing stupid forms does not teach you anything.” Balin made him realise.

Thorin went silent and glared at him.

“One last piece of advice, just leave the boy alone.” Balin told him calmly.

“Last?” Thorin hissed.

“I’m planning to retire.” Balin dropped the bomb. “It’s high time.”

“But you’re irreplaceable!” Thorin yelled.

“No one is irreplaceable... Had you trusted him you could have had someone to take over, but well you didn’t trust him.” Balin tried to speak his mind. “My time is coming to an end. My health is declining and I need some time to calm down. I’ll be working part time now, a bit from home. That’s all I can promise.”

“You can’t leave me!” Thorin yelled.

“You left yourself a long time ago. I’m just leaving my job. And certainly even you must realise there are things more important than just a job...” Balin told him and using his cane he walked out.

Those words rang in his head. Thorin was left too many times. Villi. Dwalin. Bilbo. He didn’t realise how he felt for his irreplaceable assistant until he walked out saying something along the same line. About this being just a job. ‘Life is more important than a job...’ Bilbo said. He loved him. Bilbo was the centre of his life for five long years. At first just an assistant, hard working and diligent. Cute and kind. Always smiling. Thorin had no idea why that smiled died one day. Why Bilbo stopped smiling to him. The day he left the world ended yet again and that day Thorin swore no one would ever come close. Everyone not trustworthy enough.


End file.
